Reflecting: Plans after college

I still have not accepted that fact that in just 8 short days, I will be graduating.  As many hard times I went through with my health, I’m really going to miss this place. These past two weeks all I have been able to think about is that these are some of the last times, I am going to walk on this beautiful campus, attend some of these sorority events, live in this tiny apartment, and be so close to my sorority sisters and friends. 

One of the hardest things for me to grasp is that this is the last time I will ever live in a place like this. Never again will I live in a place where I am  in walking distance of all of my closest friends.  All the things are really starting to hit me.  I won’t be able to just  stop by one of my friends houses or run into my sisters and friends just walking to class.  Cleaning out my room has been so hard and not just because I have so much stuff, but because I have lived here for two years now.  The walls of this tiny bedroom have become a vision I will never forget.  With the amount of time I have spent in this bed, staring at the same walls, I could probably tell you every mark and imperfection on each wall.  Although I will not miss looking at the same view, it has become something very monumental to me. Not to mention that I cannot help, but think that these are some of the last times that I will walk around this beautiful campus that I have completely fell in love with. 

 Last Sunday my sorority had senior send offs as one of the events to say goodbye to all the seniors.  While I was sitting there listening to the letters written by the parents of the graduating seniors and other sisters, it really hit me.... this is one of the last times I will be in one location with all these amazing girls in one single location. I couldn't help but to look around at all my sisters thinking where everyone will end up after college and whether or not we will keep in touch.  As I looked around at all of my sisters in there letters, I flashed back to all of the amazing women that have shared these exact letters in the past four years.  I am so blessed to have found such a wonderful group of girls who have become my family and support system while I was at college. I have learned so much from this organization, and had so many amazing memories with these girls that it is so hard for me to let go.    

Now here I am 8 days away from graduating, and taking it all in. In this past year I have grown so much and become so much stronger.  I have learned how to be a fighter and I have made progress with my treatment. I have accomplished so many things and now it is time for me to start my next chapter.   For most college grads, the last semester is spent applying to grad school or jobs, so their post graduate plans will already be set into place.  Ever since my freshman  year, this has been my plan as well.   Instead of finding a job that will lead to my future career path, I plan on moving back at home and working part time.   For right now, I am just going to focus on my health and complete my treatment before heading out into the real world.  I am dying to get out there, and find a job to use the degree that I have fought and worked so hard for, but I am still in no shape to do that right now.  Although I am going to be so down when I leave this place, I will be so close to my family who are my biggest support system. 

It has been so hard for me to think about letting go of the place that I have lived in the past four years, saying goodbye to my close friends, and starting a new chapter.  I can truly say that I left a part of my heart here.  

Under Our Skin: My thoughts

I finally just watched "Under Our Skin" last night after searching for it for months.  Every doctor I saw encouraged me to watch it to learn more about Lyme.  If you have never seen the documentary, it basically follows a handful of people sharing their stories and experiences.  It also goes over some of the legal complications with Lyme disease which is something I think everyone should be aware of.

It was one girls story in particular that I completely identified with.  She started off telling her story by sharing how happy she was when she found out she had Lyme disease.  Meaning, she thought she would just take a round of antibiotics and finally be cured.  After being sick for the whole summer, and struggling with weird flare up of symptoms here and there for the past few years, this is exactly how I felt.  Unfortunately for both of us that is just not the case.  She is also very active despite being sick, just like myself.  Her reasoning, was that she was laying in bed so sick that she was absolutely miserable.  Working a time consuming job seemed to be the perfect distraction from her symptoms.  Since she was still fighting Lyme disease, she was still dealing with the hard symptoms day to day, but pretending that she was feeling much better than she was.  It really hit me watching her story, because this sounds just like my own story.  I still continue to go to school and go to school events even if it means that I have to drag myself out of bed.  Although I am pretty open about having Lyme disease in order to educate others, I constantly at like I am feeling much better than to avoid people feeling bad for me.

If you have never seen this documentary I strongly suggest you watch it, whether you have Lyme or not.  Not only is it full of actual stories and great insight, it also has a lot of factual information that most people do not know.  It is also extremely important that we educate others on what is happening with healthcare laws and Lyme disease.  If you ever get the chance to watch this documentary, pass it on and educate others around us. 

#thingsthatannoyme

Alright, I generally think of myself as a decently optimistic person...............but a girl's gotta vent! I think one of the best things you can do is process your feelings and vent it out.  This morning one of my friends instagrammed a picture with "things you shouldn't say to someone with a chronic illness," and I have to say they were very on point!  So here is my version of things that annoy me about Lyme disease.

Number one, it literally drives me crazy when people say that I have "LIMES" disease.  I am sorry but, I am not a farmer and I did not get an illness from a fruit that people put in their cocktails. Also ironically, for some reason I really, really hate limes so this bothers me even more... maybe its fate.

Number two, when people tell me I don't look sick. I just take the compliment... I mean that IS a compliment right?? But honestly is there some golden rule that says you have to look as crappy as you feel? Thank god that's not a real thing because that would be a whole new level of struggle.

And finally, those oh so friendly people who have decided that since they have never heard of Lyme disease that it is not a real thing.  These are the people that I just flat out ignore.  I mean, if you going to treat me as if I am dealing with an irrelevant and therefore a made up illness.. then I am going to treat you like you are irrelevant.

These little things definitely annoy me, but I have learned to laugh about it.  I mean what is life without finding humor in the little things that get in your way? Sometimes its good to get a good laugh and vent it all out!

The G word

So I finally took my cap and gown out of the bag today even though I got it a few weeks ago.  Obviously, I still have not fully accepted the fact that I am actually graduating.  It was only 9 months or so ago that my doctor was telling me that I would most likely have to drop out of school. Being the motivated person that I am, that was not an option for me.  That's not to say that this was year has not been a challenge for me.  In order to be able to graduate on time, I really had to prioritize. 

I am the type of person who loves staying busy, always running around getting stuff done and trying new things. I love exercising and just being active, and hate being stuck in the house!  I am also such a morning person that I would spring out of bed at 7 or 8 in the morning and workout or do homework just to start off the day.  As you can imagine, this new lifestyle was very, very tough for me to grasp.  I learned that I would need to rest my body and really limit my activity meaning no more working out, and no more of the morning runs that I love.  I was so tired that I literally could not wake up in the morning even if I had gone to bed earlier the night before.  So basically, between the fatigue and body aches, I was told to really take it easy meaning I would need to stay resting in my apartment.  As you can imagine, I was going to have to miss out on a lot of social events.  

So how did I mesh this new lifestyle in with the lifestyle I typically lived at school?  I continued to drag myself out of bed early because with Lyme, getting out of bed is a very long process so this kept me from being late to class.  My typical morning at that time: I would wake up, shower, get back in bed until I had enough energy to get ready, start getting ready for the day and taking breaks in between.  I drank lots and lots of coffee just to get through an average morning routine.  I was so sick that I could barely walk to and from class so I would come right back to my apartment and get back in bed.  I finished all of my school work while I was laying in bed.  So yeah, aside from a handful of social events and doctors appointments, I spent majority of my first semester of my senior year....in my bed.  And yes, I did suck as much as it sounds.

Now I am three weeks away from graduation, I have definitely improved from these past months, but I still have a ways to go.  I now have more energy to do more things I just need to prioritize and save my energy for the most important things.  As bittersweet as it is to leave the place I have made some of the best memories in the past four years, I am so incredibly happy to be graduating because it is a huge accomplishment for me.  It just goes to show, that if you want it bad enough, and try hard enough you can make it happen, no matter what gets in your way!

Until next time,
Julie

Exercising with Lyme: my first time running!

The weather was so nice here today that I decided to drive down to the river by myself and take a shot at running! And I was able to run my first FULL mile since I stopped running!! I can barely put into words how accomplished I feel right now.


 I have not been on a run since this summer when I had to stop because I could not physically get my body to do it.  I had to really push myself, but I was able to complete the full mile and walk the mile back.
Out of all the lifestyle changes I have had to make, not being able to run is what bothered me the most.  I am going to have to take it is slow, but I am just grateful to have made it this far!



Now I know it is not recommended to run while doing Lyme treatment, but my outlook is that you can break some rules in moderation.  If you are also battling Lyme, I encourage you to get out and do some exercises whether its yoga, strength training (with light weights or body weight), or just doing some walking.  I am a huge believer that a body in motion stays in motion, so making an effort to do small exercises everyday while help you keep up your energy levels.

For now I am going to relax and drink some lemon water to hydrate and detox!